Thursday, December 13, 2007


(In Conjunction with My 20th Birthday)

Ah-ha, I’m back. Sitting on my not so comfy chair and facing my computer, writing this crap. Actually, I’m planning to finish my FSP assignment tonight, but somehow, I can’t focus on my task because nobody is doing anything related to academic tonight, because it is weekend. But the more concrete reason will be my heart and mind is not really up to it. There is a feeling that I can’t describe, creeping in my heart. So I better do other thing to ease it off.

That is for introduction, actually I haven’t write anything for quite sometimes, sorry for everybody who might wait for my latest post. Actually, I’m pretty busy right now, trying to cope with degree level of education. Apart from that, my life is great, really great. Recently, I was appointed as Collegiate Ambassador for Peace (CAP) for IPGM KPPP and successfully handle the CAP Leadership Workshop in my college. Thanks for everybody that involved. It was a pleasure to work with you all. My love life is going pretty well. We are going to the right direction. We even plan to meet our respective parents during this Hari Raya and take our relationship to another level. Hopefully we will go all the way to walk down the aisle together, InsyaALLAH. Pray for us okay. The sad thing is we rarely meet each other now, because I’m d*mn busy. I don’t mean to neglect her, but I hope she understands my situation. I gave her a call just know and sang a song ‘Bisa Bertahan’ by Sheila on 7.

So, back to our title there, as I promise in my previous post, I will dedicate this entry to people out there who gave me such a wonderful memories that I will remember for the rest of my life. Even though some of it ended up in sour notes, but I still want to appreciate their contribution in flourishing my messy life. I will use their real names, so if you are on the list and somehow not happy with this exposure, feel free to contact me and I will take appropriate action. I will go with the timeline okay, start from my high school year until now, enjoy!

Zahiera (Iera)

She is my first crush, I started falling for her in 2001, when I was in Form 2 and she is a year younger than me. I liked her so much, kind of obsession because I was so happy just to see her but I don’t have any guts to talk to her or try to let her know my feelings. It was until when I was in Form 4 I got her e-mail and start sending mail to her. We became friend, I didn’t clearly tell her I like her, but she knew it somehow. But she treated me well as a friend and I was okay with that. I talked to her for the one and only time 3 days before the school closed for holiday and I was going to sit my SPM, such a loser. After the school days, we contacted each other regularly, and when she was in Matriculation, we became close. I asked her again if she was ready to take our relationship to the new level, but she was not ready for me, and I was okay with that. We still were a good friend. But sadly, this year, during her 19th birthday on 21st July, I forgot to wish her Happy Birthday because I was very busy working as a volunteer. She sent me a message and told me her dismay. I sent her various SMSes and VoiceSMS, but she didn’t want to hear my explanation. That’s the end of our friendship I guess. We never contact each others after that.

To Iera, if you read this, I want to apologize for all my wrongdoings. I started to bug you since you were in Form 1, I made you feel uncomfortable. But you still treated me very well, you accept me as what I am, not as people judge me. You made me feels happy, feels the sense of belonging. You are very friendly, very kind. You gave me the new lease of life, you gave me hope. I still kept everything you ever gave to me, all the notes, all the drawing, all the memories. Thanks for the memories, Iera.

Munirah (Niera)

I knew her in 2003, on mIRC, at first, we just chatted casually. But after a while, I found that she was so attractive. Easy going, made me laugh and happy all the time. We got a long very well. Then we started SMS-ing each others. We even hit about 50 SMSes a day. I really regard her as my best friend ever, she was there every time I needed her, and she will always be there to hear my problem, to ease my trouble mind, to give her advice and to cheer me up. Until one point I felt really comfortable with her and started to think I might be falling for her. But I kept the feelings away, because I don’t want to lose a very great friend in case she didn’t feel the same way. The problem started when I fell for another girl, Intan. I was over the moon with her and started to neglect Niera. I hardly contacted her because at the moment, I felt that Intan was very important that I don’t need anybody else in my life. I knew Niera was hurt by me, but she never showed it and said she is happy as long as I am happy. When my relationship with Intan was not going according to plan, I went back to Niera. I was selfish at the moment, never knew how girls will feel if treated that way. But she was happy to help me, always be there when I needed her. But one day, she told me that she is in a relationship, at first I was happy for her. But after a while, I felt jealousy started to creep in. I felt that she had abandoned me because she has a boyfriend. Stupid me, I was so selfish at the moment. I demanded her to always replying my message, treated me as we were before. But definitely she can’t because at the moment, she has her main priority, which is her boyfriend. Then one day, my stupidity reached to the max, I told her if we were going like that, I don’t need her anymore because she can’t be like before. I told her that we better go separate ways. She said fine. Then we stop contacting each others. Until now, I still feel that was the most stupid decision I ever made and to lose her is the big loss for me. I tried to contact her after I realized that I have made the stupid decision. But she forgives me but never forget on what I have done to our friendship. I never heard anything from her until now.

To Niera, I know I was wrong; I was stupid to break our friendship. Until now, I still regard you as my best friend ever. I still want you back as my friend. Whatever happens, I will always happy to welcome you back in my life. If you read this, once again I ask forgiveness from you and Happy Belated Birthday to you Niera. You really taught me how friendship means a lot to me. Thanks for everything, thanks for the memories, Niera.

Intan (In)

Okay, I will go easy this time. I wrote a hell lot about her already in my blog. Last year, during this time and with conjunction with my 19th birthday, I wrote a trilogy if I can say that about me and her. It is really complete and tells everything about what happens between me and her. And after that I also wrote pieces about her, so I don’t think I need to write it hear. You can check on my previous post entitled ‘The Complete Story of Udin and Intan’ part I, II and III. But briefly I will state here that she is the most complicated girl I ever met in my life. She took me to the cloud nine in the 1st 6 month we knew each other and put me in a disastrous doldrums after that for nearly two and a half years. But I must admit here that I really cherished the moment when we were together. I don’t know what really when wrong with us.

To Intan, I know you still remember me and what you have done to me, but I don’t hate you, can’t hate you actually. I smile every time our memory together flash out in my mind, but I’m damn sad to learn that you left me just like that, not once, not twice but thrice. But if you read this, you know that I still want you, no matter in what circumstances. In, thanks for all the sweet memories when we were together, thanks for the unbearable pain you have inflicted, thanks for the memories, In.

Okay folks, I think I shall stop here, because it is too long for you all to read. Just wait for part II because there is more to come. I still have a long list to go and I want you all to stay with me. Please drop your comments after reading this, it’s actually helps me a lot on my next entry. Thanks for reading this. Thank you so much.

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