I Want To Die...

I Want To Die...

Yes, you are not misread it, yes, I really want to die. At this moment, with all the problems that I have, die is the best way that I can think about. But wait, I didn’t say that I want to attempt suicide. It is against my religious teaching, and I’m not that brave to end my own life. All I want is to die in certain circumstances that will allow my family to receive a big amount of money from my life insurance. For your information, my family is really in a big financial clout. Our business really suffer for the last 5 years, and we need to pay various debt around 5k-7k in a month and our income is not anywhere near that amount. I’m sick and tired to see various debt letters everyday. And I’m very sad to see my parents and my sister with her husband work really really hard to gain more income to clear the debt. They work from early in the morning until late night to clear the debt without anything to spend. All I can do is help to decrease their workload during weekend and holidays. That is all I can do because I’m still studying and it makes me feel I’m useless. So, I think the biggest contribution that I can make to my family is, to die. If I’m no longer around, they can use my insurance claim to pay all the debt, my parents can retire and focus on ‘ibadah’. My sister can work elsewhere and enjoy their life like the others. I have no regret I f I could die this way and somehow help my family. There is nothing I can offer to this world, vice versa. Apart from my family, nobody will really mourn my loss. I don’t have lover, so nobody wont lost his or her sleep after my death. But only one thing I will miss if I die early, Intan. Well, I really want to meet her again. Just for the sake of asking what’s gone wrong with us. I would also like to pay tribute to my family, I will definitely miss you all, especially my niece and nephews. To all my friends that has been so great to me, zillion of thanks for you all. And for all the girls that has been in my life, Iera, Niera, Aisha, Esther, Anem, Wanie, Zira, Farah, Murni and especially INTAN, all of you have flourished my life, thanks.