Well well well, hello and hi to everybody. I have not written for quite a long time, maybe because I was very busy with assignments, quizzes, projects, girls…. Aha, the last one is up for argument. Hehe. Anyway, on top of this page you can see the title and yes, it is about her, again. Don’t worry; there is a little ‘X’ button on the top right corner of this page and you can roll over your cursor, and click and this page will disappear in no time. But if you want to know what is going on with me, you can read this entry until the end and please leave your comment after that.
What an introduction! Okay, moving on to the story. Well, by the start of the year, I was already thinking about her birthday in April, 13th April to be precise. When April arrived, I can’t stop thinking about her birthday. Last year, I managed to wish her ‘Happy Birthday’ via a phone call after trying for quite some times. How about this year? Shall I call her to wish her ‘Happy Birthday’ again? Yup, that was what I planned to do. But unfortunately, to may dismay, she has changed her number for GOD knows how many time already and there is no way I can contact her. So what did I do? I asked my friend in Jakarta, Marini (Thanks for you support, Mar) to forward me her friend’s number who happen to study in the same university with Intan. I messaged him and asked him to do me a favour. He replied, and sent me Intan’s phone number, but he stated that Intan knew that he was trying to get her number for someone and she was clearly unhappy. I bet she might be unhappy to know that I was the one who wanted her number badly. Anyway, thank you so much Mr.Fariz. Sadly, the number that he gave me is Intan’s old number, so it’s not helping. Anyway, thanks for your help pal, appreciate it.
I was not giving up. Next I turn to students’ most visit webpage in Internet, Friendster. I managed to find their batch’s group and open some of her friends’ page. There are about 40 of them. To my surprise, there is one girl, who is her course mate is in relationship with my old schoolmate. So I contacted my friend, to ask her girl about Intan’s phone number. Within a day, he sent me her phone number. Her birthday was approaching, so I asked Mar again to miss call that number to make sure it is in service and yes, it is in service so I’m convince that is Intan’s phone number. So I waited until her birthday to come to call her.
Okay, it was 0058 Malaysia time. I called her when it turns 0100, so in Bandung, it was 0000, 13 April 2008. I tried several time, but what I heard was, ‘Harap maaf, nomor yang anda dail salah’. Well, it’s quite tricky, so I tried several times, yet to no avail. After trying for a while, I decided to give up, this is the sign from above to stop it, it’s not worth it Udin. Then I slept, with heavy heart, but deep in the bottom of my heart I’m grateful because I think that was the moment, the turning point of my life, that I can live without thinking of her.
So, this is it. No more story about Intan after this, unless she appears back in my life. I won’t hunt her anymore, won’t try to plan any adventurous trip to Bandung anymore, and won’t tell this story to anyone anymore. Never
Thank you for spending your precious time on this crap. For your info, this entry took more than a month to be completed, and if you can feel, there are at least three moods in this entry. I started with excited, hopeful in the middle, and hopeless in the end. What do you think? Drop your precious comments please. Till we meet again!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
……………….i miss you love………………………….
……………….i miss you love………………………….
It is 5.30 in the morning and I’m still awake, still fresh. I couldn’t sleep. I just finished watching a semi-love drama and it is lovely. I felt happy after watching it, just for the couple of minutes before feeling sad until now. Why I’m sad? Well, I still can’t figure it out. Maybe because I’m quite lonely, jeez, don’t really like to admit it. But maybe I’m still saddened by the way she cheated on me. It’s painful, leave a big mark and I can’t forget it, even a bit.
How’s my life going out? Pretty busy, or should I say I make myself look busy so I don’t feel the way I feel right now that I don’t want to admit it. Hehe. Meet a couple of new friends, but my heart is still craving for more. There is still a big hole waiting to be filled. OMG, I don’t know what I’m writing write now. Udin, you sound so desperate, eooww!!!
Why oh why I try so hard to contact the people that used to shine my life but not around anymore? Err, they are not dead, but somehow, lose contact or should I say, I let them go before because of my STUPIDITY and EGO! Niera, Esther, Farah…. Just to name a few. I let them go away from me because at that moment, I never realise how much I need them, how priceless they are. How well and nice they treated me, but I never appreciate when they were around. Now they are gone, and I’m looking every single corner for them. How stupid was I, am I. I was so egoistic, so selfish. It is human nature, I always said this, ‘we always want what we can’t have, and never appreciate what we have at our disposal’. I always said this, but still can’t throw that bad habit away; after all, I am a human being right? Hehe. Lame excuse, Udin.
I miss her, d*mn miss her. Latest news about Intan, she messaged `Ulyani, her friend and mine about a month ago, with a new number of course, that’s her trademark. But unfortunately, this girl failed to reply to that SMS because she didn’t have enough credit. And when I got the number, that number can’t be contacted anymore. I’m so sad, because once again I lost track on her. Everyday, I wish that she will contact me. I pay serious attentions to unknown number that call or missed call me because I’m hoping that those calls or SMSes might be from her. I wish. My classmate played me once, she missed calls me a lot of time, and I was hoping that was Intan. And after I learned that those calls were from her, not from Intan, I was dejected. I even dreamt that those missed calls were from Intan, and when I awake, I checked my phone, and there was nothing. Come on Udin, get over her. It’s been 3 years since she left you, but you still hoping for her. You are a sore loser.
Still, I want to see her, my last attempt is to go to Bandung, where she study, meet her and talk to her in person. Hopefully I get what I want. Please pray for me, so I can go there and meet her, and talk to her. I miss you love……………………..
It is 5.30 in the morning and I’m still awake, still fresh. I couldn’t sleep. I just finished watching a semi-love drama and it is lovely. I felt happy after watching it, just for the couple of minutes before feeling sad until now. Why I’m sad? Well, I still can’t figure it out. Maybe because I’m quite lonely, jeez, don’t really like to admit it. But maybe I’m still saddened by the way she cheated on me. It’s painful, leave a big mark and I can’t forget it, even a bit.
How’s my life going out? Pretty busy, or should I say I make myself look busy so I don’t feel the way I feel right now that I don’t want to admit it. Hehe. Meet a couple of new friends, but my heart is still craving for more. There is still a big hole waiting to be filled. OMG, I don’t know what I’m writing write now. Udin, you sound so desperate, eooww!!!
Why oh why I try so hard to contact the people that used to shine my life but not around anymore? Err, they are not dead, but somehow, lose contact or should I say, I let them go before because of my STUPIDITY and EGO! Niera, Esther, Farah…. Just to name a few. I let them go away from me because at that moment, I never realise how much I need them, how priceless they are. How well and nice they treated me, but I never appreciate when they were around. Now they are gone, and I’m looking every single corner for them. How stupid was I, am I. I was so egoistic, so selfish. It is human nature, I always said this, ‘we always want what we can’t have, and never appreciate what we have at our disposal’. I always said this, but still can’t throw that bad habit away; after all, I am a human being right? Hehe. Lame excuse, Udin.
I miss her, d*mn miss her. Latest news about Intan, she messaged `Ulyani, her friend and mine about a month ago, with a new number of course, that’s her trademark. But unfortunately, this girl failed to reply to that SMS because she didn’t have enough credit. And when I got the number, that number can’t be contacted anymore. I’m so sad, because once again I lost track on her. Everyday, I wish that she will contact me. I pay serious attentions to unknown number that call or missed call me because I’m hoping that those calls or SMSes might be from her. I wish. My classmate played me once, she missed calls me a lot of time, and I was hoping that was Intan. And after I learned that those calls were from her, not from Intan, I was dejected. I even dreamt that those missed calls were from Intan, and when I awake, I checked my phone, and there was nothing. Come on Udin, get over her. It’s been 3 years since she left you, but you still hoping for her. You are a sore loser.
Still, I want to see her, my last attempt is to go to Bandung, where she study, meet her and talk to her in person. Hopefully I get what I want. Please pray for me, so I can go there and meet her, and talk to her. I miss you love……………………..
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Me Against My Blog(s)
Hi to all my avid reader (if I have any). December 2007 might be heading to its end, but I am very happy because I am very productive this month. I wrote 5 posts, all about my involvement in Collegiate Ambassador for Peace Leadership Camp in Klang, which was very great to me. I met new friends, new family, and new girls of course. During this festive season, I spend my time watching two great romantic movies, which resolves around Christmas, which are ‘Love Actually’ and ‘The Holiday’. Highly recommended for people in love, or still searching for love yet want to feel the lovey-dovey of love like me. Okay that is for the opening remarks lets go straight to the content. I want to tell you about my blogs. To date, I got 3 blogs, which are:
http://loveit-or-leaveit.blogs.friendster.com/avicenniera (Friendster’s Blog)
http://udinnstarr.blogspot.com/ (Blogspot)
http://udinnstarr.multiply.com/journal (Multiply’s Blog)
I started blogging date back on 2005. After my high school, I found myself sitting in my room, with nothing to do and I thought I got a lot of stories to share yet nobody want to hear because I was kind of loner and loser at that time. (Yazid still think I am who cares) I got myself messed up with a crush with my junior for about 4 years. And it’s been a roller coaster ride for me. So I decided to pen it down, not really, type it down should be more precise, about my story with her. I put it on my blog, which I already deleted yet I never tell anybody about that, so the story about her remains untold. Hehe. Anyway, it’s really not easy to open up your not-so-attractive life to outsider. But after a while, I found the guts to make it public and start blogging for public on Friendster’s blog. At first, I put two song lyrics and tell how that song somehow connects to me. Pretty awful right? Later on I started mumbling about something that comes to my mind. After my 6th post, only I received my first comment on my blog, from my best friend, K.A. Thank you so much my friend, without him my interest on blogging will die just like that.
Later on, I wrote about something bigger, more meaningful. I got the idea of tell-it-all about my stories involving me and Intan, my love interest. You see, when you have so many things to tell, yet nobody is around to share the pain, the best alternative is to express yourself by putting things into words, by writing. I wrote a trilogy of my so-called epic tragic love story about me and Intan that never have an ending. From those posts, I received numerous comments, advices, words of encouragement from my friends. From people that you never thought will spend their precious time to read my craps. It really makes me think that there are people out there that still care.
I attended a workshop about blogging conducted by renowned blogger in Penang. She advised to use proper English in blog so it will open up to the entire world. I used to write in with SMS language, so I decided to change. I used proper English in my blog. My blog looks pretty ‘skema’ but at the end of the day, I can see the benefit of it. My English improved, and I got 67/75 for my writing in MUET exam. Much better than getting B- in my Language Development paper, in the previous year. I also got the flow of writing, which comes only with a lot of writing. But still, my English is still far from perfect, so I will still keep on trying to improve. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
I also go Gung-Ho on promoting my blogs. I love to read people’s blog, and I used to leave my blog address at the end of my comment on people’s blog. Sometimes I keep reminding my friends to read my blog. And sometimes I leave offline messages to my friends in Yahoo Messenger. Sound desperate, yet I really want more people to read my posts, especially the one that I mention in my blog. For example, my blog almost 50% of it talk about Intan, so I really want her to read, but it is still not the case until now. Hopefully she can read all those posts about her and understand how deep my feeling towards her is. Okay, enough about her, I guess.
So, I think that’s all. I want to take this opportunity to thank everybody that ever read my craps. Especially for those who always constantly check and leave comments. Trust me, those comments are seriously invaluable and I really appreciate it. Those comments spur me on to write more. So my deepest thank you goes to Werm, Kak Sabrina, CKB, Zira, Fun, Fikri & Zoul (they always have the chance to read before I publish it online), Joe, A’an, Hisham, Aisha, Vannesa, Marini, Dalwin, Wanie, K.A, Nana, Kak Hazera, and Ahlam (she is self-confessed my avid reader!) and for people that I might miss, sorry, and last but not least, to you that read this, please leave your comment after this. With all your support, I promise I won’t stop writing.
Till we meet again.
http://loveit-or-leaveit.blogs.friendster.com/avicenniera (Friendster’s Blog)
http://udinnstarr.blogspot.com/ (Blogspot)
http://udinnstarr.multiply.com/journal (Multiply’s Blog)
I started blogging date back on 2005. After my high school, I found myself sitting in my room, with nothing to do and I thought I got a lot of stories to share yet nobody want to hear because I was kind of loner and loser at that time. (Yazid still think I am who cares) I got myself messed up with a crush with my junior for about 4 years. And it’s been a roller coaster ride for me. So I decided to pen it down, not really, type it down should be more precise, about my story with her. I put it on my blog, which I already deleted yet I never tell anybody about that, so the story about her remains untold. Hehe. Anyway, it’s really not easy to open up your not-so-attractive life to outsider. But after a while, I found the guts to make it public and start blogging for public on Friendster’s blog. At first, I put two song lyrics and tell how that song somehow connects to me. Pretty awful right? Later on I started mumbling about something that comes to my mind. After my 6th post, only I received my first comment on my blog, from my best friend, K.A. Thank you so much my friend, without him my interest on blogging will die just like that.
Later on, I wrote about something bigger, more meaningful. I got the idea of tell-it-all about my stories involving me and Intan, my love interest. You see, when you have so many things to tell, yet nobody is around to share the pain, the best alternative is to express yourself by putting things into words, by writing. I wrote a trilogy of my so-called epic tragic love story about me and Intan that never have an ending. From those posts, I received numerous comments, advices, words of encouragement from my friends. From people that you never thought will spend their precious time to read my craps. It really makes me think that there are people out there that still care.
I attended a workshop about blogging conducted by renowned blogger in Penang. She advised to use proper English in blog so it will open up to the entire world. I used to write in with SMS language, so I decided to change. I used proper English in my blog. My blog looks pretty ‘skema’ but at the end of the day, I can see the benefit of it. My English improved, and I got 67/75 for my writing in MUET exam. Much better than getting B- in my Language Development paper, in the previous year. I also got the flow of writing, which comes only with a lot of writing. But still, my English is still far from perfect, so I will still keep on trying to improve. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
I also go Gung-Ho on promoting my blogs. I love to read people’s blog, and I used to leave my blog address at the end of my comment on people’s blog. Sometimes I keep reminding my friends to read my blog. And sometimes I leave offline messages to my friends in Yahoo Messenger. Sound desperate, yet I really want more people to read my posts, especially the one that I mention in my blog. For example, my blog almost 50% of it talk about Intan, so I really want her to read, but it is still not the case until now. Hopefully she can read all those posts about her and understand how deep my feeling towards her is. Okay, enough about her, I guess.
So, I think that’s all. I want to take this opportunity to thank everybody that ever read my craps. Especially for those who always constantly check and leave comments. Trust me, those comments are seriously invaluable and I really appreciate it. Those comments spur me on to write more. So my deepest thank you goes to Werm, Kak Sabrina, CKB, Zira, Fun, Fikri & Zoul (they always have the chance to read before I publish it online), Joe, A’an, Hisham, Aisha, Vannesa, Marini, Dalwin, Wanie, K.A, Nana, Kak Hazera, and Ahlam (she is self-confessed my avid reader!) and for people that I might miss, sorry, and last but not least, to you that read this, please leave your comment after this. With all your support, I promise I won’t stop writing.
Till we meet again.
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