Hi everybody? How’s life treating you? Like shit?? Well honey, I don’t want to sound cliché, but that’s life. Hehe. Anyway, this entry is about my former girlfriend, who was celebrating her birthday on 28 July (yesterday). I meant to write it yesterday but maybe not in the mood yet, maybe. Just wanted to be fair because I never write a word about her in this blog during my time with her, not because she is not that special but my time with her was very wonderful I don’t know how to put in words. =]
I knew her around the month of April 2008, we texted each other. Actually, I don’t really like her at the first place. We were only friend, yet she always bugged me to reply her message and the most annoying thing she did was calling early in the morning and woke me up, when I usually just had my sleep (I usually start sleeping after Subuh during that time). She is so annoying that I decided to stop contacting her, not once but twice! But she managed to sneak back to my life, with her charm of course.
After being friend for some times, the feelings started to creep in. I was single and started to feel comfortable with her. To my surprise, I was addicted to her. I am addicted to things that she does to me, the one I feel annoyed early one. I think she is just plain sweet and I want to be with her. So I proposed to her on 18th June 2008 and she accepts it. We were an item since that =].
I was on my holiday and she was just finishing her study. We were so free of anything and we often meet up at that time. We went to Penang and Sungai Petani, watching movies, eat together, have fun, laugh, sing. We were so happy! I was on cloud nine, I love her so much and I don’t have to ask her to know that she felt the same way too. Sometimes we had some fights, but we managed to get through it all. Even though we had some differences in certain issues but we often try our best to compliment each other. I was in love before, but her love for me seems so pure, so strong that I rarely have a doubt on us. I brought her back to my house to meet my family on ‘Hari Raya’ and yes, my family was so happy with my choice. Everything seems to be going on very fine. =]
The problems start to surface when she got a job in Putrajaya and I started to become quite busy because of my involvement in student activities in the university. We were far, at first we can cope, but after some times, she appears unable to tolerate my busy schedule. She demanded to be treated like before, like early in our relationship where we can text each other from morning until midnight, where I can spend the rest of my day sharing our feeling together. It’s getting impossible because of our circumstances, it’s not I don’t want to do it, but because I can’t do it. I don’t blame you honey, I know how you feel. I know how girls want to be treated but I begged you to stay with me, to bear with me, share the good and oh-not-so good moments.
We fought quite a lot, the words ‘break-up’ were frequent, and we seem divided. But I tried my best to bring back the happiness, the sweetness of our love. I do all I can and never wanted to surrender; I have made my decision and will stick with it. I want her to be my WIFE. Then lightning struck, when one day there was an accident where she knew I betrayed her. True, I betray her trust, definitely my fault, my biggest fault, my only fault and I deeply regretted it. FYI, it’s between us only and doesn’t involve any party. This was between us and I admitted it was my fault. She didn’t take it lightly, just like I expected. She was upset and very angry with me. I apologized, she said she can forgive me but never forget what I did to her. =[
Since that moment, even though we were still couple, her treatment towards me started to deteriorate. Hardly reply my message or return my call. Started to call me names or ‘awak –saya’ rather than what we used to call each other. I was so heartbroken, so sad but I understand she was devastated on what I did to him and she needs time. I go along with her, try to win her heart back, do everything I can do to make sure I don’t lose my future wife. At the same time, I was struck with heavy fever for about 2-weeks and I feel so sad because she wasn’t there for me, I was alone. She knew I was so sick yet she treated me like I am nobody to her. I know it was my fault, but I just hope she can forgive me and back to me when I really needed her love, care and attention.
So after 2 weeks, she was still like that, or I can say her treatment towards me getting worse. So I decided to throw my final dice. I arranged for a bouquet of red flowers to be delivered to her office with a card saying ‘I’m deeply sorry, I need you’. And I said to myself ‘this is it, if she’s not okay after this effort I will stop trying’. I was so sick at the moment that I can barely go to class. On the day she is about to receive the flower, I received a message from her saying ‘saya rasa saya dah tak sayang awak lagi la’. I was so sad, nearly broke in tears in my moral class after receiving that message. How could she say that? She did receive the flower but her response was ‘benda yang awak hantar dah sampai, kenapa awak buat camnie?’ and I am out of my words to tell you my feelings at that moment.
So after that, I have decided to let her go. I know she still loves me but for her, her ego conquers all and she rather lose me than lowering her ego. When I say ‘we are breaking up’ she said ‘okay’ and that’s it, everything is gone. I was admitted to Hospital Jitra after that, I was carrying dengue fever for all the while and painfully suffering it on my own without the one I love.
So now, she is happy with her life. Got a brand new boyfriend after 2-3 days we broke up. Later she confessed to me that she simply accept that proposal just to make me suffer even more. Astonishingly she wants me back but after I asked what she will do to her current boyfriend, she has no answer for that. Even though my heart is craving for her and my love towards her is undeterred, I told her ‘you have broken my heart, make me suffer, so let it only be me who is suffering, you don’t have to include him in this story, just stay with him and forget me please, we should be fine’.
So that is, my story and her. I promised her when we were together ‘I Love You, and will always do’. I stick to my words because I still love her. But I just laid it to rest and hopefully it won’t affect my life that much. I don’t know how many times I weep my tears while writing this entry but actually it doesn’t as bad as when I was trying to forget her (I’m a major weeper!). Now it is almost 5 month since we go separate ways and I’m trying to enjoy my life. I think I do well. Hehe.
For Azah, thanks for the care, the love, the attention, everything I have never feel before. You have brought to the moon; we enjoy our time before you let me fall on earth with unexplainable pain. You have shown me how it feels to love and to be loved and I will never ever forget you, ever. So on this pleasant day, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday, even though I don’t call or text you but I want you to know that there is never a day in my life without reminiscing your smile that once I own..
So, thanks for your time reading this, I know it is rather very long and I bet not so many people will spend their precious time reading this crap. Please drop your comment if possible, I really appreciate it. Thanks.
where did my baby go ? -
2 weeks ago